Some of us wonder if God is pulling His hand of protection away these days. Others of us wonder if God is coming closer than ever protecting His people. No matter where you are on the wonder-scale, it’s likely we can all agree the times we live are far different than anything we’ve seen before. Where do we abide in that?
Abide in worry. Abide in anxiety. Abide in wishes, wants, weariness. How about abide in money or masquerades? Though most of us wouldn’t say it that way, it’s exactly what we do. Abide in need and abide in life.
Abide in fun. Abide in relationships. Abide in good scores. Abide in promotions, premiers, or promises. Though most of us wouldn’t say it that way, it’s exactly what we do. Abide in need and abide in life.
A number of weeks ago, I was abiding in chores on a Sunday afternoon. Christmas and New Years had come and gone and the decorations were due to be packed back up for another year and put away. After one does that, the house looks a little lonely so I decided to get out some fresh linens, dust the shelves, and put a few new things around while tossing older things. I began cleaning a glass candle vase, but it had aged and didn’t hold up well. The bottom of the vase broke out the bottom leaving fresh jagged glass in its wake. Fortunately it had rested on the counter top when it broke so I wasn’t hurt in that moment. Into the kitchen trash it went, the bag got put in the garage, and I kept working merrily on my project. Our office had the week off work to bask in the aftermath of the holidays and enjoy our families and homes. Cleaning and nesting fit the afternoon and I was enjoying it. Abide in home.
Towards late afternoon, I went to the end of the driveway to bring the trash and recycle cans back up to the house. It had been trash day, so the cans were down by the street waiting for the garbage company to dispose of their contents. As one does, I picked up the kitchen trash I had put in the garage earlier that day and placed it in the trash can with a couple other items, pushing down on the trash bag to allow it to go to the bottom. Seconds later, the skin between my thumb and index finder was punctured, a large hole was gaping open with blood flowing quickly out. I’d forgotten all about the broken candle glass and pushed my hand right through it. Abide in pain.
Running into the house, I turned on the kitchen faucet and called my daughter to come help me. Fortunately she was on Christmas Break from school so happened to be home too. We tied a kitchen towel around my hand in tournequit fashion and decided I needed to go to the ER. I was bleeding quite a bit and feeling more dizzy and lightheaded by the minute, plus there was no way a bandaid would help here. There was no way 10 bandaids would help here. I waffled about going because I knew needles and stitches were in my near future, but my loving daughter did the thinking for us and determined I was going. She put me in the car, grabbed her keys, and off we went to the ER. Abide in instruction.
“I’m going to need to stitch this up. I’ll be using 4 needles of lidocaine so I want to prepare you that those will sting when I do that. I need you to hold very still so I don’t accidentley prick another area of your hand or miss numbing you up” came the doctors instructions to me. “I’ll do my best” I said, aching from pain and dizziness. He went to work, I squeezed my now-arrived husband’s hand, and my daughter watched in compassion. They all counted after each shot was given. “One down, half there, almost there, last shot.” I held my hand on his side table solid as a rock, but man it hurt and the tears came. Word to the wise, don’t get lidocaine shots if you don’t need them. They sting like fire and the needles in a fresh wound aren’t great either. For that matter, don’t push broken glass down in a trash can. You’re welcome for the wisdom. Three stitches later (should have been 4-5 in retrospect) and gauze bandaged around my hand, I was sent home to wonder if I had severed a nerve, tendon, or artery, or if I’d ever get the feeling back in my thumb. Abide in exhaustion.
The next couple weeks were an opportunity to be grateful it hadn’t been worse, but also a challenge to do everything left-handed instead of right. If I did use my right hand, it had to be using my last three fingers to open bottles or doors, fasten jeans or brush my hair, eat or cook, and type things at work. You use both hands far more than you realize until you only have one or part of one. For a 1 inch hole in my hand, it seemed like a ridiculous amount of interruption in my daily life and pain in my body. I began to have a very different perspective for people who have no limbs or much bigger physical challenges than I. Abide in gratefulness.
It’s been awhile now and the stitches are out. Fresh new skin has formed and the wound is infection-free inside the body and out. I’m happy things are healing, but when the circulation and feeling fully returns in my thumb I’ll be even happier. It’s a very weird recovery and I’m ready for the internal part to heal and return to normal. I’m told it will take months to a year sometimes for vascular areas to heal inside. Life certainly brings the big and little unexpected chapters to us. Abide in time, waiting, adapting.
Was God abiding in the ER with me? I’m certain God lovingly held my hand rock-still for the doctor to work. I’m certain He lovingly equipped my family as vessels of support for me. I’m certain God gifted the doctor to sew thread on skin and evaluate wounds. And just as noticeable, I’m certain God didn’t remove my pain or heal me on the spot even if He hurt for me. So many of us feel the ER’s of life right now. Joy is an emergency. Answers are an emergency. Trauma, jobs, school, money, open dreams, and feeling loved are all an emergency. Is God abiding in the ER’s of our lives? Is God abiding in the ER of current events nationally and internationally? I’ve thought a lot about the answer to this very human and present question for many of us. I believe God is fully abiding with us. The pain may still be as present as He is. The devil may still be vying for victory in our ER’s. Yet I believe God’s hand is on our hand and I believe God is sending vessels to support us. I believe God gashed His hand to save ours. Abide in trust.
Is it always easy to believe God abides with us? No. Do encouragement words on a page solve our problems? No. Is life suddenly easy when we abide in trust? No. Does God fix the pain of problems while we wait for the miracle of majesty? No, not always. That’s a lot of important no’s. That’s a lot of important hits to our faith. It’s a lot of important hits to fragility, famine, or fatigue. Life is hard. Where’s the “yes” question? Where’s the “yes” answer? When is the “yes” answer? Abide in searching.
Several years ago, I was talking to a friend when they said something I’ll never forget. He said “I have a list of things God would never want.” I asked why he felt that way and if he believed God made him. “I guess He made me but I know He’s sorry He did.” My heart went splat. God’s heart went splat. We talked for a long time about the story, about life and pain and past. We talked about what causes us to feel so separated from a holy feeling. For the most part I listened. When someone is unwrapping self-worth, they aren’t looking for a pep talk. They’re looking for a place to abide at all. To protect privacy, I’ll spare the story of details, but at its core was a sense of failure. A series of things had happened, some caused and others not caused, but the result had been losing life as they knew it. My friend was abiding in failure. To keep it real, haven’t we all set up failure-camp in our mind at one time or another. You can hardly travel this life without wondering about your worth either inwardly or outwardly. It’s rough and it isn’t just a hand that’s torn open. It’s a life. Abide in re-fining.
If Christ were sitting here reading this with you, if Christ were sitting in your ER putting stitches on your mistakes or wiping tears of pain from your face, if Christ were sitting beside your chair listening to your “list of things He would never want,” what in the world would He say to bring such a need full circle for you? Which of the “abides” would He pick for your mental desperation, your life’s hot mess, your flat-out loss of answers? Which of the “abides” would He pick to answer your dreams and desires to live free or live fierce? I can only cry out from my own experience and I can only imagine from my own friendship with Him, but I would guess it’s this. From the holy lips of Christ Himself and within the holy embrace of His warm body, the Lord Himself would look straight at your yearning eyes and say “It’s none of your abide’s my beloved. It’s ABIDE IN ME. Keep your eyes on me. I got you. I. Got. You. ABIDE IN ME.”
ABIDE IN ME. ABIDE IN ME. ABIDE IN ME.
“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19
Lamb Lines 