Fearless

Lord, it’s not easy being fearless in the world.  I know I’m called to be, but I’m not.  I want to touch that dream.  I want to be a giant of strength, a giant of living boldly, a big compassion mover, and a giant of beautiful things.  I want to be fearless; an untouchable place for fear to shrink who I am.  Can anyone be that successful at such fearlessness?  Is it possible for a sinner like me to be those thriving things?  Am I alone to wish it and struggle to reach its might?  I want to understand it better so I can do it better.  If I’m being honest, I want to feel fearless about being me.  That’s a tough one.  And I definitely want to feel fearless about who you are.  That’s a big one.  I like that one.  Yet, when big things happen like life and death and hurt and calamity, where does “fearless” take it’s place in my life?  How do I do “fearless” in all circumstances?  Lord, captivate my keyboard and spill the secret on these keys.  Show me.  Touch me.  Empower me to reach the day with new abandon to be fearless as a child of the Holy God.  Humble me to use “fearless” wisely and to only use it in step with you.  A fearless Christian, fearless woman, and fearless life.  Above all, open my ears to what it is to you.  That’s what I want to live Lord.  Head raised, palms wide open, arms up, my reach is hungry and my emotions willing and honest.  I’m imagining your voice, imagining what you’d say to me about “fearless” in my life.  I’m inviting my readers to do the same in their lives, imagine your voice to them, and hear your “fearless” in their path.  Reach us all Lord.  Raise your truth up.

“Lord, I have a question.  What is fearless?”

“Fearless is clean.”

“Clean?”

“Yes honey.  No debris in your heart.”

“That’s a strange answer.  I have no idea how to do that Jesus.  I’m a sinner and sinners come with dirty debris.  I have a lot to clean up.  Am I stuck?  I thought “fearless” was getting more umph, not doing less debris.”

“Let’s work on your ‘I’m a’ name.  That’s your first lesson on fearless, getting your name straight.  ‘I’m a clean child of God,’  not an ‘I’m a debris-filled sinner.’  You come with a Savior, my love.  I’m the umph.  No, you’re not stuck in dirty debris, perhaps just fixated on it because it’s hard not too.  It’s tough where you live.  Would you like my help washing it off your heart and letting go of it?

“You’re the umph?  Is cleaning up debris how I get fearless?”

“I’m the umph honey.  And yep, when you’re not tending to debris, you’re fearless.”

“That’s going to be hard for me.  I’m always tending to debris trying to clean the stuff up.  It’s everywhere.  Some of it has mold from the past, some is from current life, and then there’s the worries for tomorrow.  And outside of those life things, I even have debris about doing you and my faith and my surrender right.  That’s a lot to clean huh?  How does “clean” make me fearless?”

“You can SEE me honey.  When you’re not watching the debris, you have clear sight to watch me.  When you watch me, there’s room for my fearlessness to live in you.

“Can I handle being fearless Jesus?  Can I handle what I’m asking for?  I didn’t realize “clean” was part of it.  I have busy debris and don’t know how to clean up enough to watch a big God.  It feels like a lot to handle now.”

“You don’t need to ‘handle’ being fearless.  You ‘get’ to be fearless.”

“I never thought about ‘get’ to be fearless.”

“Most of my kids don’t honey.  Satan doesn’t want it to be an option to you.  He’s pretty good at distracting you from watching me and making you feel like stuff needs to be ‘handled.’  Even the good things in your life.  I didn’t make you to ‘handle’ things.  That’s my job, not yours.”

“Do you want me to be fearless Jesus?”

“I died for you to be fearless, love.  I want it very very much.  So much that I already handled it with my life.  TRUST ME.”

“It means a lot to you that I’m not scared?  It means a lot to you that I’m beautiful and strong?  I always just thought of my life as me ‘living’ it, not you feeling it.”

“I feel it every day.  It means so much to me that you get to live the way I made you.  I made you fearless.  I made you strong and beautiful and full.  You still are.”

“Why do I feel debris then?  Why don’t I feel fearless if you’re Jesus and you made me that way?  Why is it so hard to feel what you gave me?”

“You feel debris because of Satan.  You are clean because of Me.  The world is a tough spot honey and sin makes for a rough go.  I’m so sorry there’s a war that effects you.  But the beautiful part of fearless is that it’s possible because I overcame the war already.  Fearless is not gone for you.  I saved it.  It’s in Me.  You get it through Me.  TRUST ME.”

“I tap into it through you?”

“You live it through me.”

“It must feel good to ‘get’ to be fearless.  It must feel good to not have debris winding and tangling my heart all the time.  I hate that.  It’s annoying.  And it’s tiring and it’s painful and it’s time consuming and and and.  I’m ready to be clean and watch you.”

“Honey, you ‘get’ a Savior.  That’s what I want you to hear.  Fearless is amazing and I want you to have it, but most of all my love, you FIRST ‘get’ a Savior.

“That’s big.”

“That’s my size.”

“That’s not my size Jesus.”

“I know honey.  Embrace your size.  I made it perfectly.  And it’s a beautiful thing to have a Shepherd that’s bigger than you and can handle anything in your path.  Don’t try to be any other size than my child.  And by the way, you have a beauty mark that comes with your size.  The image of me.”

“I think that’s one of my problem sometimes.  I try to change my size in life.”

“Everybody does honey.  A sinful world teaches bigger sizes are better instead of lamb sizes are beautiful.  People get distracted being the capable do-er one.  It makes them feel empowered and secure all on their own.  They like the size of success or money or attention and it makes them feel bigger in the world.  The hurt comes in when the happiness doesn’t.  For others, they like being the ‘handler’ or ‘fixer’ of the worldly and life messes.  It makes them feel needed and un-lonely.  They push the “I matter” button and keep returning to push it.  Then too, the hurt comes in when the credit button doesn’t work after awhile.”

“That doesn’t sound like fearless.”

“It’s fear.”

“I don’t want fear.”

“I don’t want you to have it either.  Would you like me to help?”

“Yes.  I want my ‘I matter’ to come from truth.  I want a Savior first and I want to try ‘fearless!’ ”

“I’m so excited honey!  I love to give this gift!  Next to love, it’s one of my favorites!”

“How do I use my new gift?”

“I lead.  Stay beside me, love.  This is very important.  It’s tempting for a lot of people to feel ‘fearless’ in themselves after awhile instead of through me;  pride and recklessness become an issue and they become weak and discouraged.  You need to use it with me to glean its incredible strength and truth in your life.  It’s so amazing honey!  Remember it’s very sufficient when it comes from me and is used with my friendship.  Talk with me about anything anytime and don’t worry about being perfect at being ‘fearless.’  Your Savior loves you and loves leading your learning!   TRUST ME.”

“Okay.  What do I do to let you lead it?”

“Let go of you.  Choose my Shepherding to love and lead you.”

“Do I give up “me” to do that?”

“My love, you give up Satan’s rot and ruin attempts at you.  We’re growing who you are and moving on to what I have planned for my beautiful creation in you!  Your “me” is about to be vibrant and strong.  Your “me” is now our “we”.”

“That sounds like my very own Jesus team.  Am I clean of debris now?  Cuz we gotta do that too.”

“You’re with me now.  I’m clean.  That makes you clean.  And honey, when more debris comes, I will use it to take care of you.  That’s where it gets vulnerable and hard, but very important.  I will use it to move and mold your life more. TRUST ME.  I’m still in control and I’m always there, debris or not.  Don’t doubt.  Watch me instead of the debris.  We’re getting ready to do a lot with fearless for you.  It’s more intimate and intricate and caring than you realize.  That’s why I’m the pro at it.  The leader of your ‘very own Jesus team’.  TRUST ME.”

“Everybody needs a Jesus like you.  I like you.”

“I love you.”

“I’ve never been loved like this.  You care about me being fearless, not just about me being alive.”

“Very much.  I didn’t just create life to create life.  I created you to thrive with me.”

“I could use some ‘thrive.’  Can I sign up for that too?  Thrive and fearless classes.”

“Honey, you get it ALL when you get a Savior.  That’s the key.  I’m the Savior.  Do you want me?”

“I hunger for you Jesus.  I totally hunger for you.  Yes please.”

“I hunger for you too honey.  I always have.”

“Always?”

“From ‘In the beginning’.”

“I was ‘in the beginning’ Jesus?”

“You’re starting to get it.  I want you.  I love you.  I’m making heaven for us to live together.”

“I’m waiting for you.”

“I’m with you now.  Don’t wait, enjoy me now.  I’m the Almighty Holy Savior who enjoys and loves you more than you understand.  You are not alone my love.  I’ve been taking care of you since you were born.  And love, when I do come get you, you’ll see some God-size “fearless” explode across the sky in a billion holy angels and a sparkling saving throne and your eyes will fill with tears when we meet.  Mine too.  You’ll be home. For now, be fearless in me. You’re beautiful inside and out.”

“I TRUST YOU.”